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The Ringer/Episode transcript

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This is the episode transcript for "The Ringer". From TheSacredRealm.net

Link: (Groans and yawns.) Another beautiful day in the magical kingdom of Hyrule... boring place! I used to roam the world, fighting monsters and sleeping in mud, a hero's life. Now look at me, living in a castle, sleeping in a bed, aren't I sweet?.. Yuck! I'd like to know one good reason why I even stay here.

(Link opens his window and sees Zelda standing on her balcony below)

Link: Oh. Okay, so there's one good reason. (Whistles)

Zelda: (Gasps)

Link: Looking good, Princess! Especially from this angle.

Zelda: Oh!

Spryte: I told you, you should have put on a robe.

Zelda: Hmph.

Link: Oops. Guess I offended her royal prissyness. (Link is grabbed by a Moblin). Aah, huh? Moblins!

Moblin: Hold him while I get the Triforce.

Link: Hey, I'm ticklish! (A moblin jumps onto his shoulders). Hey, you wanna dance? Just ask! Ha! (Link throws the Moblin off and gets his sword and a pillow.) Pillow fight!

(Link fights the Moblins.)

Link: Hey it's been fun, but the other customers are getting impatient. Fights some more. Guys it's been a blast, but you're going home! And tell Ganon that if he really wants this Triforce, he'll have to get it himself. (Zaps the last Moblin.) Okay, that's better! That's how I like to start a morning. Ha, and a magic bow as a souvenir. Ah ha.

(There is a knock at the door.)

Link: Huh?

Zelda: (Knocks again.) Link, it's me, Zelda.

Link: Oh yeah, I almost forgot. After saving the Triforce from evil, the hero gets his reward! (Opens door and leans out to kiss Zelda, but she slaps him instead.) Ow!

Zelda: Don't you ever whistle at me again!

Link: I may never whistle again, period.

Zelda: Don't you ever clean in here?

Link: Excuuuse me, princess. If I'd known you were coming, I'dve asked the Moblins to sweep up before I zapped them.

Zelda: There were Moblins in here? When?

Link: About ten seconds ago. About, uh, fifteen of them. Armed to the teeth. Naturally, I fought them off, risking my life to save the Triforce, and your kingdom. But I don't expect any reward. No sir, just a smack in the face is enough for me.

Zelda: Oh Link, I'm sorry. But you made me mad!

Link: No kidding.

Zelda: Anyway, this is the third attack by Ganon this month. We'll have to be on our guard.

Link: We, Princess?

Zelda: By we, of course I mean you. Stay here today and guard the Triforce.

Link: Aww, Princess, it's too nice a day.

Zelda: Don't argue. The Triforce must be guarded, and I'm already late to judge the magician's contest.

Link: But...

Zelda: I knew I could count on you Link. Bye.

Link: (Growls in frustration.)

(in the Underworld)

Ganon: (Roars in anger). Blast, blast, blast, blast! You idiots bungled it again!

Moblin: Sorry, Ganon.

Ganon: You'll be sorrier. (Zaps Moblins.) Obviously, if I want the Triforce of Wisdom I'm going to have to get it myself. There is a contest of amateur magicians in Hyrule today. I shall enter that contest!

Triforce of Power: But you're no amateur. You're a pro.

Ganon: They won't know that. (Laughs.) Since my teleportation powers are limited in the upper world, I'll have to travel in style. (Summons some Stalfos.) Let's go! (Teleports them to outside North Castle). Ha! Hyrule. A peaceful kingdom and a beautiful day. Well that will soon change. Move!

(at the castle's courtyards)

Old Wizard: And this is a spell I use in my garden, your Highness. Watch. (Uses magic to make a tomato grow.)

Zelda: Wonderful! It's getting bigger!

(Tomato grows bigger and bigger and then explodes all over the wizard and Zelda.)

Zelda: Ah!

Old Wizard: Oops.

(Ganon, in disguise, arrives and seeing just what happened, laughs.)

Zelda: Hmm? Who dares to laugh at me?

Ganon: My name is not important. I merely wish to enter this contest.

Zelda: Are you an amateur magician then?

Ganon: I am. (makes a small bird appear on his hand)

Zelda: Fine. Wait your turn.

Ganon: (the bird turns into an Ache) Quickly, fly to the tower and tell me if anyone guards the Triforce of Wisdom.

Amateur Magician 2: This is my best spell, your Highness, it removes the stinkiness from my dirty socks.

(at the tower where the Triforce of Wisdom rests)

Link: You're a girl, Spryte. How could I get Zelda to pay more attention to me?

Spryte: Who cares? She's a snot. You should stick with me.

Link: Spryte, you're only three inches high!

Spryte: What? You don't like short girls?

(back at the castle courtyards)

Zelda: (Another magician has made a little lizard appear in her hand.) How cute!

Ache: (To Ganon) It is guarded by Link.

Ganon: Really? Well let's get him out of there, shall we?

(Ganon uses his magic to turn the lizard into a huge dragon. Zelda screams.)

Link: Zelda!

Spryte: (Falling off Link's shoulder) Hey!

Link: She's being attacked! Wait here, Spryte. (Swings down from the tower on a rope.) Yahooo! (Shields himself from the dragon's fire.) Whoa, toasty!... Can't get a clear zap.

Zelda: Link, get ready!

(Zelda throws a dish which Link uses to reflect his zaps onto the dragon and turn it back into a lizard)

Link: Ha! Not bad, eh?

Zelda: What are you doing here?

Link: Nothing much. Just heroically saving your life. Why?

Zelda: You're supposed to be guarding the Triforce.

Link: Well excuuuse me, Princess! I -

Spryte: (Screams.)

Ganon: Ha! The Triforce of Wisdom! Mine, at last!

Spryte: No! No, you can't!

Ganon: Go away you pesky insect. (Flicks Spryte against the wall.) Mine! All mine!

Triforce of Wisdom: Evil is the path you choose, but evildoers always lose.

Ganon: Silence! (Jumps out window back to his ride with Stalfos.) Move it, you boneheads! Get us out of here!

Zelda: Ganon's got the Triforce of Wisdom!

Link: And he's getting away. We'll never catch him now.

Zelda: Yes, we will! (Grabs a seed and plants it in ground.) Quick, your growing spell!

Link: Huh?

(The old wizard uses his magic, and a huge vine quickly grows. Zelda ties it back with some rope.)

Zelda: Come on Link!

Link: My kind of girl! Completely crazy!

(Link cuts rope and the vine sends them shooting through the air over Ganon's head.)

Link and Zelda: Wahooo!

Link: Whoa!

Zelda: How are we going to get down?

Link: (Zelda falls on him as they land.) Ta da! Saved your life again. Kiss me!

Zelda: Look out, it's Ganon!

Ganon: Faster, faster! A secret entrance to the underworld is just ahead.

Link: I'll just slow him down a little. Eat dirt Ganon!

Ganon: Get them! Now! While I call for reinforcements.

Link: A measly three Stalfos? Ha! Take this Princess.

(Link hands Zelda the magic bow he got earlier while more Stalfos are appearing.)

Zelda: Wha? Uh, Link?

Link: (Sees Stalfos) Huh? Back-to-back Princess, fast!

(Link ties his belt around them both so that they are back to back, and they fight the Stalfos.)

Ganon: Get them!

(Link and Zelda are defeating the Stalfos, and one lands near Ganon.)

Ganon: No, you imbeciles! Get them like this! (Makes punching motions and laughs at the same time.)

Zelda: Link, they've got me!

(At the same time Ganon throws a bomb at them, and so Link flips Zelda so that the Stalfos are in the air and get hit.)

Zelda: Thanks, Ganon. (Shoots him)

Ganon: (To last Stalfos) Get them, get them, blast you!

(Stalfos pulls out a bomb and throws it at them.)

Zelda: Link! A bomb! And I'm out of zap bolts.

Link: (Hits bomb into the air with his sword and zaps the Stalfos.) Got you, Stalfo!

Ganon: But I have the Triforce. You have lost! Hyrule is mine! (Runs for underworld.)

Link: Not yet, Ganon! (He hits the falling bomb towards Ganon and the underworld entrance. It explodes, and the Triforce comes shooting out and lands next to Link and Zelda.) Ta da! The Triforce. Saved the kingdom again, Princess. Not bad, eh?

Zelda: You got lucky. Now get this belt off!

Link: No.

Zelda: What do you want?

Link: A kiss. Come on.

Zelda: No.

Link: Then we stay like this.

Zelda: Oh, alright. I suppose you do deserve some reward. Just don't try to make a habit of this.

Link: Oh I won't. I promise.

(Just as they are about to kiss, Spryte appears.)

Spryte: Hey, knock it off you two!

Link: Spryte!

Spryte: Oh, I see. The belt's stuck. I'll fix that. (Uses magic to separate Link and Zelda.)

Link: Darn it, Spryte, I was that close!

(Zelda giggles. Meanwhile, Ganon is trapped in his Evil Jar)

Ganon: Just wait til I get out of here, Zelda and Link. You'll pay for this! (Roar)